i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
is it fun? or sober?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
