I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
