dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
