When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
