So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I faked an abortion last night.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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