were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
