you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
