can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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