dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
