now i know why i became what i already was.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
