dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
