This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
