I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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