Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
its not stalking. its research.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
