yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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