the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
