it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
