STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
