What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
