i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
