I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
