There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
