OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
