i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
