So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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