Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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