Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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