I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
