I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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