So drunk its hurt
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
