In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
