For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
