I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
