VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
