end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
