..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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