I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
