That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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