so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
