remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
