Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
