Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have already put on my inside pants.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
