i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
