Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
