ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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