she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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