best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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