Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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