ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
