This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Pooping to opera.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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