I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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