So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
