possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
