You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I want her autograph on my taint
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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