i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
