JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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