I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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