just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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