Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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