He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My penis needs a shock collar
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
